


Moonlight drive

by madmartigan_77



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 22:56:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14681181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madmartigan_77/pseuds/madmartigan_77
Summary: Otabek and Yuri set out on a road trip that changes their lives





	1. Chapter 1

Otabek could never believe just how lucky he was, hearing Yuri laugh, his sweet always so damn loud laugh, it was a nightmare trying to keep quiet when his parents were sleeping

But here on the road he could laugh as loud as he wanted to, Otabek glanced over from the road just briefly, seeing Yuri’s bright white smile against his pink lips, it spread across his whole face

His shoulder length blonde hair tucked behind his ear, his bright green eyes practically crying with laughter, Otabek couldn’t help but smile, begrudgingly having to look back onto the road

They’d opted for this road trip with a car instead of Otabek’s bike, mainly for Yuri’s comfort, as much as he loved Otabek’s bike, he liked to recline in his seat and browse his phone, telling Otabek whenever he saw something funny, which is what had happened when Yuri had burst out laughing

His funny time was short lived, in his next breath he was complaining how bored he was, Otabek never responded when he complained, one it was constant, and two he was just going on like a brat, he would try and stop his boredom instead of cooing over him

“Bekaa” Yuri whined, leaning further into his seat, Otabek didn’t even need to look to know he was pouting, Otabek reached a hand over to wrap around his slim thigh

Yuri spread his legs open, Otabek resisting the urge to glance over, he knew he would look hot, slowly stroking circles into his thigh, he could tease for hours, Yuri was the impatient one 

Not before long even though Otabek had only slid his hand maybe an inch or two higher than he originally was, Yuri was eagerly unzipping his pants, Otabek smirked, he knew Yuri would be fully hard, he was so easy to get going 

Before Yuri could move his hand, Otabek drifted it slowly up his leg, dipping his hand straight into Yuri’s boxers, Yuri moaning and trying to spread his legs even wider even though his jeans were constricting him

Luckily they were driving really late at night, there was no other cars on the roads, Otabek only had one arm on the wheel, glancing over to his handsome fucking boyfriend

Yuri had his eyes shut, his face twisting in pleasure as Otabek did his best to stroke and squeeze, still teasing really, he was at a awkward angle, not that Yuri complained, he knew it would shut him up about being bored

Hearing a police siren and seeing the flashing, Otabek gently removed his hand, Yuri groaning as he straightened himself up, “I was just starting to have fun” Yuri whined, Otabek laughed rolling his eyes as he pulled over

“Just starting to have fun?” he questioned teasingly, Yuri didn’t answer, instead just groaning tucking himself away and zipping his jeans back up

“Hm he’s coming over” Otabek noted, he didn’t know if the police car actually wanted him to stop or if it wanted to get past, Otabek wasn’t aware of anything he was doing wrong, apart from jerking his boyfriend off in the passenger seat, but it seemed impossible for the police officer to see that

“God I hope they hurry the fuck up, I don’t want to lose my hard on” Yuri groaned, Otabek shook his head smiling, as if it was so hard for Yuri to get hard again

Rolling down his window, the cool chill outside hitting his face refreshingly, “It’s fucking freezing” Yuri complained, it was just a given for Yuri to complain at everything, Otabek was unphased

The police officer had a flashlight shining it into the car, Otabek squinted, “Do you know why I pulled you over?” he asked, his tone serious and firm

“I don’t sir, is something wrong?” Otabek answered politely, he was going to play dumb about Yuri, he really did think that he wouldn’t have seen

The flashlight lowered the officer looked less than impressed, “Your tail light is out, you better check into the next motel and get that fixed, it’s dangerous” 

“Yes Sir” Otabek replied with, they were checking into the next motel anyways, it wasn’t really disrupting their plans at all, the officer moved his eyes from Otabek to Yuri, looking him up and down

“So what were the pair of you doing when I pulled you over?” he asked 

“Nothing, just driving officer” Otabek replied calmly, he knew Yuri wasn’t a calm one, he didn’t want to give him a chance to talk

The officer didn’t take his eyes off of Yuri, “Just driving? Are you a pair of fags?” he asked as if it was the most disgusting thing in the world 

Yuri instantly went to speak up, “Excuse..”

Otabek clenched his jaw, speaking over him “No Sir, just friends on a road trip”

The officer hummed, “So why is your friend here sitting there all excited?” 

Yuri leaned further over to Otabek’s seat, “Fuck..” Yuri yelled, Otabek trying to shut him up again

“Yuri” he spoke louder, firmer in a warning tone, before continuing on 

“He was watching porn on his phone, while I drove”

The officer hadn’t taken his eyes off of Yuri, Otabek’s heart started to race, this guy clearly wasn’t a good cop, “What kind of porn?” 

“The vagina kind of porn, is that a good enough answer for you asshole?” Yuri snapped 

The police man sighed, “I’m going to need you both to get out of the car”

“Sir..” Otabek went to protest, the officer finally looking at him now 

“Are you refusing to obey orders from a officer of the law?”

Otabek sighed, unclicking his seat belt getting out of the car, “This is fucking ridiculous” Yuri yelled, walking around to where Otabek was, glaring at the policeman

Otabek felt so incredibly uneasy when the officer looked him over again, “So, you two, you’re just friends?” the way he said it made Otabek’s stomach curl 

“That’s correct officer” Otabek spoke, trying to sound calm, he didn’t like where this was heading, being gay wasn’t illegal, but it was massively a taboo thing, surrounded by homophobic pricks constantly

“And you’re both straight?” Otabek nodded, Yuri was glaring at the policeman, his face unmoved, the policeman gave him a cocky smile, “You're a feisty one aren’t you, so you like the vagina kind of porn, tell me, what does a vagina taste like?”

Yuri scoffed, Yuri never being afraid of anything, stared right into the policeman’s face, “I wouldn’t know, all I ever want to taste is my boyfriends big thick cock, is that a good enough answer for you?”

The officer kept his smile, gesturing over to Otabek, “This your boyfriend?” 

Yuri leaned back against the car casually, “No, he’s just a friend” Yuri always trying to protect Otabek

“Then your free to go, I’ll see that he gets returned to you, don’t worry” 

Otabek looked uneasily at the officer, “You can’t detain him for being gay” Otabek’s voice starting to lose it’s calm firm tone

“I can do whatever I like, I’m the one with a badge and gun, go on now. It shouldn’t take too long” 

Yuri squared his face up to the officer, “You can’t keep me here with you, I haven’t done anything wrong asshole!”

The sickly smile that the policeman turned to Yuri with, would forever be burned into Otabek’s memory, he felt sick, it was only made worse when he heard the gun click

“Your going to put that loud mouth of yours to good use” Yuri’s face twisted in disgust, moving away from him now, his back against the car, Otabek went to move closer 

“You can’t do this” he protested, but then the gun was aimed at him

He still had that same smile, “Cmon pretty boy, if you like the taste so much, come suck my cock” 

“Fuck you! I’m not going anywhere near you asshole!” Yuri yelled angrily, the policeman laughed, a sickly kind of laugh 

“Do you think you have a choice? On your knees or I shoot your friend here”

The gun was pressed to Otabek’s forehead, the cold metal against Otabek’s hot face, it felt wrong, he felt sick, he was going to throw up, this was all a bad dream

“You can’t do this!” Yuri screamed at him 

“I’ll give you to a count of three princess”

“Fuck you, move your fucking gun..” 

“One”

“Move your fucking gun..”

“Two”

Yuri scrambled to his knees, “Please, don’t fucking hurt him, I swear to fucking god if you touch him!” he screamed, the policeman moved his gun away, but that didn’t reassure Otabek at all

Looking over at Yuri on his knees on the hard gravel, the look of how scared he was, Otabek would give fucking anything for Yuri not to feel that way, then it was only made worse when the officer stepped in front of him

Far too close to him, “Unzip me baby, and if you use your teeth, I promise you won’t like what happens” 

Yuri glared up at him, “Fuck yo..”, the officer struck his face, not with the gun thankfully, but with a harsh smack to the face

“Yura!” Otabek yelled

Yuri’s pale skin instantly flashing red, then the gun was back on Otabek since he’d lunged forward, “Not another step, or your pretty little friend here, won’t be so pretty anymore”

Yuri instantly started unbuckling his pants, “Your a fucking asshole, fucking closet case..” 

The officer grabbed Yuri’s jaw harshly, “Oh baby I’m not gay, I just want to see your pretty little mouth shut the fuck up, that’s all, someone has to put you in your place, dirty faggot”

Yuri glared up at him, still glaring when the officer pulled down his boxers, he was fully fucking hard and that made Otabek feel like he could throw up at any second, Yuri’s eyes starting to fill up, but his little soldier, defiant and brave constantly, his face still glaring, trying not to look scared

“Please, look please, just stop this, stop..” Otabek tried to plead, the officer looked over to him with a smirk, before he could say anything, Yuri spoke up again 

“I’ll bite your fucking dick off” he spoke aggressively

The officer turned back to Yuri with a frown, his arm with the gun lowering slightly, his dick dangerously close to Yuri’s face, “I’ll kill your fucking friend, you little whore..” 

Otabek acted quickly lunging over and trying to disarm him, he didn’t know what happened, he didn’t even feel pain when he was hit, his body was running on sheer adrenaline, he just needed that fucking gun

It all happened so fast, one second he was grabbing for the gun, the next it had gone off and the policeman was on the ground, Yuri screaming, Otabek felt like he was in dream, a really fucking bad dream

Yuri was still screaming as Otabek scooped him up, he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing, he didn’t know what the fuck he had done, he just got Yuri safely into the car, the gun still in his hand as he started driving again

“Beka, oh fuck Beka, Beka what the fuck, that fucking asshole, that fucking asshole” Yuri spoke rapidly, his voice half croaking about to cry, half yelling

Otabek couldn’t think, he couldn’t focus, he just needed to drive, he needed to get him and Yuri, especially Yuri out of this situation, far far away from this situation

“Beka what the fuck did we do? Oh fuck, what the fuck did we do..” 

Otabek cut him off, his voice firm and clear, “You didn’t do anything Yura, it was me, it was all me”

“No, don’t you fucking say that, it was us, we did it Beka..” 

 

“Yura” Otabek snapped, “It was me, you didn’t do a fucking thing, my prints all over the gun, your in no way tied to this..” 

“Shut the fuck up Beka! We did this together, we fucking did this together!”

“I’ll never testify to that..” 

“You won’t testify to anything, nobody saw, nobody, oh fuck.. I think I’m going to throw up, pull over”

Otabek kept driving, “Beka pull the fuck over!” 

“Yura we can’t fucking stop, do it in the car, in the back seat, I don’t give a shit, we can’t fucking stop”

Hearing Yuri finally breaking down and sobbing, Otabek’s heart clutched in his chest, “Beka we killed a fucking police officer, that, that fucking prick. Oh my god” 

Otabek didn’t dare take his hands off the wheel to try and comfort Yuri, he needed to get them away, that’s what he had to do

“That fucking asshole” Yuri continued sobbing, then yelling angrily, going through the motions, Otabek just stayed focused on the road, he’d passed the motel they were originally going to stay in

He wanted to be as far away as he possibly could be, his heart hadn’t stopped pounding in his chest. Daylight was starting to break, Yuri had finally fallen asleep in the passenger seat, since they were running low on fuel, Otabek had to stop at the next motel

The gun was still tucked into his jeans, he didn’t dare touch it again, getting out of the car he went to check in, his eyes constantly eyeing up the car, making sure Yuri was still safe and sound in it

Giving a fake name he rushed back to the car at Yuri’s side scooping him up in his arms again, Yuri sleepily nuzzling into his neck, when Yuri groaned sleepily, Otabek hushed him gently getting them into their scummy motel room and laying him on the bed

Instantly turning back and locking the door, he put the chair up against it as well, jamming it into place. “Beka” he heard Yuri’s soft voice call from the bed, turning around, Yuri’s face and jaw were still red, a little bruised from where the policeman had touched him

His blonde hair messy around his face, but he still looked so fucking beautiful, “I’m here baby” Otabek headed over to the bed, Yuri got up wrapping his arms around Otabek, Otabek just holding him unsure of what to even say to each other

They ended up back in the bed, still fully dressed, holding each other close, “This is all my fault” Yuri whispered, tears started slowly falling from his face

“Yura, this isn’t anyone's fault, apart from that fucking officers” 

Yuri sobbed out, “It is Beka, it’s my mouth, it always gets us into trouble. If, if I’d have just shut the fuck up..”

“Shh, shh Yura. Don’t you dare blame yourself, look at me, look at me. This, baby what happened, it was all him. Don’t you ever put this on you, I love that your so fucking fearless..”

“I was so fucking scared Beka” Yuri cried out, moving his face into Otabek’s chest hysterically crying, 

“I know I know..” Otabek trailed himself off, he didn’t know what else he could say that would make anything better

Otabek was fucking terrified as well, he didn’t for one second blame Yuri, he never blamed Yuri. Even if sometimes the things that Yuri said did put them into bad situations, this wasn’t a time like that, bad people do bad things, whether or not Yuri had said something or didn’t, it might have still ended up the same way, Yuri couldn’t blame himself, Otabek wouldn’t let him

“Why the fuck did I have to be so fucking gay and proud, I should, I should have just shut up like you..”

“Shh, Yura, your the bravest person I know. You don’t want to be like me, I wouldn’t want you any other way..” 

“Your so calm and level headed, you, fuck you had it handled so well. Why the fuck did I..”

“Yura, stop it, stop it right fucking now. This wasn’t you, this wasn’t me, this was fucking him, nothing we could have said or done would have changed what he was” 

Yuri sniffled against his chest, Otabek was holding him impossibly tight, Yuri doing the same against Otabek’s chest, they both stayed silent, just holding each other

Yuri occasionally letting out a sob and clinging onto Otabek tighter, Otabek doing the same, silent tears flooding his face as he tried to choke out how much he loved Yuri, Otabek felt a feeling of dread

Every upcoming police siren he heard made him and Yuri shiver as they didn’t let each other go, Otabek didn’t know how things would end up, all he knew is that he wouldn’t trade what he and Yuri had had in a million lifetimes 

And he’d kill that police officer again and again if it meant that Yuri was safe, hearing a banging on the hotel door, Otabek held Yuri’s face tightly kissing him hard, Otabek shut his eyes trying to block it out, pretending that he was still listening to Yuri’s sweet laugh on the road and not the ominous pounding of the unknown at the door


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to leave this left to the readers to decide what they thought happened themselves..
> 
> But after toying with it myself and a lovely comment on the 1st chapter, I decided to continue it on!
> 
> Still not sure where it's going to end up, but I hope people like it all the same, a lot of hurt and comfort

Still kissing Yuri hard, probably hurting him he was gripping his face so tightly, but Otabek could feel the tears start to stream down his face the more the knocking persisted. He never wanted to forget Yuri, he never wanted to take back anything he did as long as Yuri was safe

“Housekeeping?” a voice called, Otabek pulled away from Yuri unable to stop himself he burst into tears, Otabek could never forget the sad look Yuri had gave him, his bright green eyes full of tears and worry himself 

Otabek quickly got up from the bed rushing to the bathroom, dropping to his knees just in time as he violently threw up. His entire body was shaking, he wanted to take Yuri away, away from all of this fucking mess

It was all Otabek’s idea for the road trip, and look at what had happened. Otabek didn’t mean to shove so hard when he felt someone touch him, of course it would only be Yuri, but he felt that shaken up and disoriented from vomiting, the second he’d felt a hand on his back he pushed as hard as he could

Yuri had stumbled back landing on the floor with a bang, tears silently falling from his face, his face looked terrified. “I’m sorry Yura, fuck I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you” Otabek sobbed out, curling in on himself, he hated looking weak in front of Yuri, he always wanted to protect Yuri, it felt like his entire world was shaking and he was powerless to do anything

Neither one of them made a move to comfort the other, they just sat on the cold bathroom floor holding themselves and crying. An unknown amount of time had passed, Yuri shakily making his way over to Otabek, clambering onto his lap and nuzzling his face into Otabek’s neck

Otabek instantly wrapping his arms around him, taking in everything about the man in his arms, he fucking loved him so much. Yuri was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen, he had such a energy about him, always so fiery, always Otabek’s little soldier 

Otabek could never imagine his life without him, his mind racing with the life he’d shared so far with Yuri, from the loud sweet way he laughed, to the downright dirty way he spoke, his accent thick, his mischievous bright eyes

Otabek would kiss across every inch of his face, he’d tease Yuri until the little Russian underneath him would lose his temper, biting him hotly, swearing, pouting, yelling until he got what he wanted

Otabek would never deny him anything, he was just more patient, and didn’t mind taking hours taking Yuri apart. Otabek loved how sappy Yuri got sometimes, he’d stroke his slender fingers down Otabek’s body gently, describing all the things he loved about Otabek, and how he wanted to marry him one day, if it was ever legal anyways

And if it wasn’t they’d run away, Otabek loved that they both entirely endlessly loved each other. There was never any doubt, Otabek felt himself repeating I love you on a constant loop, shutting his eyes tightly and keeping Yuri in his arms

He wanted this all to be a bad fucking dream, Yuri pulled his face away, staring into Otabek’s face sadly, Yuri cupped his face gently, “You did protect me Beka, you protect me every single day”

Otabek swallowed, trying to ground himself, he needed to get a level head again, he needed to do just what Yuri had said, he needed to protect him, every single day

“We should go Yura, it’s not, it’s not safe staying in one place for too long” Yuri nodded, his eyes still doe like, he looked like he’d listen to whatever Otabek said, no matter what it was, as long as they were together

 

 

As the road trip drew on, for all before the incident they had been very sexually active, now, now all they did was hold each other and try not to cry. They shared deep bruising kisses, they stroked down each others bodies, but Yuri didn’t want to be naked ever, or around Otabek when he was naked

And that made Otabek’s skin crawl, Yuri wasn’t comfortable in his own skin anymore, and he wasn’t comfortable around Otabek. Some nights Otabek replayed shooting the police officer, and he wished he could have shot him again and again

Other nights, he woke up coated in sweat and crying, a sick sense of dread running through him. The worst night so far though, was when Yuri was the one waking up screaming

“Yura, Yura, shh your safe baby, I’m here. Shh, it was just a dream” Otabek tried to calm, wrapping a arm around Yuri, Yuri turned to him his face flooded with sweat and tears, his voice croaking as he spoke far too loudly for the middle of the night in yet another scummy motel room

“It wasn’t a fucking dream though Beka, it was real, it was so fucking real” Yuri was shaking uncontrollably, Otabek’s heart sank, he said what he always seemed to say these past 2 weeks

“I know, I know.. Shh, cmere, I’m here.. I Know..” 

Yuri groaned out loudly as he tried to stop crying, “I don’t, fuck Beka. I’m losing my goddamn mind, I don’t think I like.. I can’t be gay anymore”

Otabek looked to him curiously, the street lights from outside gleaming in through the cheap curtains, lighting up Yuri’s face beautifully, even covered in sweat and tears he was so fucking handsome

“I can’t do it Beka, every time I close my eyes, I fucking see it.. I fucking see him, I can still smell him.. I want him dead again and again, it makes me want to throw up”

Yuri broke down again, moving his face to Otabek’s chest, Otabek as always wrapping his arms around him planting a kiss on his head, shushing him gently, he didn’t mean it when he did it. He didn’t mind if Yuri cried, it was healthy to cry right, it wasn’t good bottling it all up

“The thought of having sex with you, Beka, fuck I get so fucking scared” Otabek shut his eyes, trying to steady his own breathing. He didn’t want to break down when Yuri needed him to be strong right now, the thought of Yuri being scared of him even not intentionally made Otabek’s head spin

He couldn’t imagine how fucking hard it must be for Yuri, it was hard enough for him knowing that he killed someone. No matter how bad that person was, no matter how much he didn’t regret what he’d done and would do it again in a heartbeat, but still, knowing he’d killed someone, remembering the sound of the gun going off, Yuri screaming, blood covering the road, it stained Otabek’s mind in vivid colour

 

“You never have to do anything you don’t want to do, I’ll always be here Yura. No matter what” Otabek tried to reassure, his eyes still shut, his breathing still unsteady

“I’m just so fucking scared” Yuri practically whispered out 

Otabek replying the same way he always did, “I know, shh baby, I know” Otabek tightened his hold on Yuri, Otabek felt the tears escaping his eyes, as much as he didn’t want them too

Otabek ended up leaning up against the headboard, Yuri still cradled in his arms, both of them awake but barely speaking. Otabek stroked gently up his arms, “This is all just a bad dream right Beka? We’re going to wake up any second now”

Yuri whispered, a childlike hopefulness in his voice as he spoke, “Shared dreams, that’s exciting” Otabek hummed, Yuri laughed, a tiny little barely there laugh but it still made Otabek feel warm all over, he could listen to Yuri laugh all day and all night

He’d take his parents shouting at him for waking up his sisters all because of Yuri’s damn sweet loud laugh, “What would you dream about?” 

“Buying you a kitten” Otabek spoke with a little smile, that was his plan one day, to surprise Yuri with a little kitten. He knew how much he’d love it, Otabek could practically see Yuri’s smile as he spoke against his chest, curling in a little tighter

“A kitten? With a little ring attached to it’s collar?” Yuri spoke hopefully, Otabek leaned down to kiss his head 

“How did you guess? We’d get married in Hatsetsu, and you’d wear those suspenders I love so much”

“You’d wear your leather jacket, and you’d drive us around on your bike, just like when we first met” 

“You don’t want me to wear a suit?”

Yuri shook his head against Otabek’s chest, “I love you” Yuri said suddenly, as if he’d just remembered it or something, or that these really were just secret shared words about their dreams, and what once seems realistic, Yuri maybe didn’t know if they were even possible anymore

“I love you” Otabek said it back easily, but his throat still caught, even if he wasn’t sure why. Those dreams could still happen, he was sure of it, it would just take some time and a lot of healing

Yuri ended up laying with his head in his lap, Otabek stroking down his hands and fingers, playing with them in his own hands. Yuri had a smile on his face the whole time, complaining how much it tickled, but didn’t pull his hands away, or stop teasing his own fingers across Otabek’s 

Yuri would complain even if it was the happiest day of his life, Otabek kept a solid smile too, staring down at the most perfect person in the entire world, they kept talking about their silly shared dreams together

Daylight breaking through the window made both of their smiles disappear slowly, in the twilight it was easy to pretend it was only the two of them in the whole world. That anything and everything else wasn’t real, but it was real, things had happened, and it had changed them, for better or for worse was unknown right now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and feedback are really appreciated! 
> 
> Hope you like it <3


	3. Chapter 3

As another week passed Yuri was struggling to hold down any food, constantly throwing up, Otabek more often than not found himself sitting on the cold bathroom floor behind him stroking down his back and holding his hair from his face

Otabek felt more than a little lost, him and Yuri never really spoke during the day, always waiting until it was dark, as if that was any kind of safety blanket

It wasn’t much of a road trip anymore, any and every police siren or officer they saw made Yuri flinch going even paler than normal, it made Otabek feel a sense of dread and everything went dizzy

Laying in bed, Otabek still always kept the chair pressed up against the door, just incase. Stroking a gentle hand through Yuri’s hair, “You know how much I love you right Yura?” Otabek spoke so softly, every conversation they had at night was always in hushed whispers

Yuri barely nodded, but a tiny smile spread across his face which melted Otabek’s heart, these gestures that Otabek once almost took for granted, now seemed like the most magical thing in the world

Otabek sighed gently, looking down on his handsome boyfriend, they always lay like this now. Yuri’s head in his lap, Otabek sitting up, it seemed like the safest way to lay together

Continuing the soft strokes through his hair, tracing his fingers across his soft face, he wished Yuri did know just how much he loved him, Otabek felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest

“Do you want to go home tomorrow?” Otabek asked cautiously, it was the thing they’d avoided talking about for these past few weeks

They’d tried to carry on the planned road trip, but things were only getting more intense when they passed more and more newspapers about a police officer killed on a midnight highway

Otabek didn’t know what home meant anymore, he didn’t know if Yuri would be his boyfriend for much longer. Last night he’d had another break down about how he didn’t want to be with a man anymore, as much as it hurt and stung, he couldn’t even imagine how Yuri felt inside

Yuri’s face was unmoved, but he reached a hand up taking Otabek’s in his own, shutting his once wide and bright green eyes and planting soft slow kisses across Otabek’s hand, it was the first kiss Yuri had given him in nearly a week

Feeling Yuri nod against his hand, Otabek sighed out softly, “Yura” Otabek pressed lightly 

Yuri moved Otabek’s hand to his stomach, “Just keep it there” Yuri’s voice was thick with unease

Yuri moved his hand away, keeping his eyes shut, Otabek frowned down sadly, over Yuri’s tshirt Otabek started stroking gently, not going any lower

“I, I can’t be with you anymore Beka” Yuri croaked out, even though his eyes were still shut, Otabek saw tears slowly escaping, slowly deeply, Otabek gently wiped them away, trying to stop his own voice from breaking 

“I know baby”

“We’re just not going to work” Yuri cried out, his face twisting as he sobbed, Otabek shut his own eyes tightly, fuck he didn’t want to cry in front of Yuri, not when he was so delicate himself

Trying to still stroke his stomach and keep a hand on Yuri’s face, without shaking and crying out himself. Yuri continued crying out, Otabek couldn’t help himself, as much as he wanted to stay strong, he ended up pulling Yuri up to him, holding him so tightly repeating how much he loved him

Yuri pulled away his face, his pale skin was red since he’d been crying so hard, his hair stuck to his wet face, “I, I love you Beka, I love you so fucking much” he sniffled out, Otabek knew he must have looked like a state himself too

But as always, he could never see Yuri anything less than handsome. Otabek wanted nothing more than to crash their mouths together, but instead he put their foreheads together, “I’m sorry Yura, I’m so fucking sorry” 

They carried on like that for most of the night, just crying and holding each other close, holding Yuri tightly in his arms when he’d finally fallen asleep, Otabek felt like he couldn’t cry anymore, he felt weak

This next week was probably one of the last times he’d get to hold Yuri like this, they were still so young, they still had their lives ahead of them and someone had taken Yuri out of his future

 

 

 

 

As the weeks turned into months, he still regularry saw Yuri, not every single day like he was use to, but being just friends was a pretty hard transition. They still lay like how they use to, Yuri’s head in his lap as Otabek stroked his hair

But there was no stolen kisses of any kind, as always no nakedness, and if they slept in the same bed it only ended in cuddles if Yuri had a bad dream

Yuri was even casually dating some girl, which made Otabek sick to his stomach. “It’s way less intimidating” Yuri had stated, Otabek had a lump in his throat 

“I didn’t know I intimidated you” Yuri looked away losing eye contact, not confirming or denying it

Otabek was understanding to a degree, he kind of understood it, but at the same time, he didn’t what had had happened to taint the entire 4 years they had been together, he still wanted to be a happy memory to Yuri regardless of anything

Otabek hadn’t been with anyone else since, he still definitely gay, and still madly in love with Yuri no matter what. Yuri strolled into his bedroom beaming him a smile, “Thought you might have fallen asleep by now” he hummed

Yuri had said he was going to come over to sleep after seeing that girl, it was 11 at night, and seeing the hickeys peppering his neck, Otabek wasn’t sure how long he could keep this up for

“Do you love her Yuri?” Otabek had instantly spat out, glaring openly at Yuri, who’s face twisted 

“What the fuck, why would you ask that Otabek?”

“Well do you?” Otabek challenged, Yuri held his glare 

“It’s non of your business” Yuri snapped back

“Just get the fuck out of here Yuri”

Yuri stormed over to Otabek’s turntable, taking his favourite vinyl out of it’s sleeve and throwing it across the room, it shattering everywhere, “Why the fuck would you ask me something like that?!” he yelled loudly 

“I have a right to fucking know!” Otabek yelled back just as loudly, then his door opened

His mother glaring at the pair of them, Yuri mumbled out a sorry, so did Otabek, “You two better go out and have this fight elsewhere, your waking up your sisters Otabek” his mother hissed, Otabek nodded

Both of them left the room like scolded puppies, Otabek sighed when they got to garage, “We can’t take my bike, my Dad has it out, so we’d need to take the uh, the car. Is that okay?” 

Yuri shrugged, muttering out a whatever, they hadn’t been back inside the car since driving home with it from the road trip. It still held a lot of bad memories, Otabek still had the fucking gun hidden upstairs in his room, it had his prints all over it, he didn’t know what the fuck else to do, where else would be safe to dump a registered police gun?!

They didn’t speak as they started driving, always seeming to drive by the moonlight, always seeming to have these kinds of talk when it was night time. Otabek wished that that meant that everything in the day time was perfect, that it was back to how things should be, but it wasn’t, the days were just as hard

Pulling up at the beach, they still hadn’t spoken a word to each other, watching the waves crash against the sand, it was far too cold to get out of the car, Yuri would only complain anyways, he hated sand in his shoes

Otabek sighed as he spoke, “So do you love her Yura?” he even dared to look at him as he spoke, Yuri looking right back at him, as he shook his head

“How could I love her when I’m still so fucking hooked on you?” 

“You are?” Otabek asked, his eyes wide, now Yuri sighed, 

“Beka, I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything. I want to see a counselor but what the fuck would I tell them?” Yuri banged his hand against the dashboard, snapping his head back to Otabek practically yelling

“I’m so fucking scared of the thought of having you against me, of having your dick anywhere near me. I don’t even fucking like girls, but there’s nothing scary about them, it’s easy. It makes me feel less fucking lonely. Beka, all I want is to have you again without feeling, without my mind flashing back to what happened, I’m going out of my fucking head” 

“Yura.. You could just tell them what happened, minus a few facts. Don’t say it was a policeman, say it happened when you were a kid or something, don’t mention anything else. They won’t pry..”

“What if they piece things together Beka?” Yuri’s voice croaked as he spoke 

Otabek blinked away a few tears, exhaling shakily, “They, they won’t, they can’t, it’d be impossible”

He desperately hoped it was true, he couldn’t see how they could if Yuri was incredibly vague with the details, and Yuri getting help definitely sounded like a step in the right direction

“Kiss me” Yuri rushed out, tears slowly falling from his face too 

“Yura..”

“Please”

Yuri leaned over the the space between the seats, Otabek’s heart was racing, they both had tears down their faces, Otabek didn’t want to move too suddenly, he didn’t want Yuri in any way to feel forced or like he couldn’t back out at any moment, but also wanted to kiss him and never let him go again

Slowly leaning over himself, Yuri was breathing heavy, Otabek gently moved his hand to cup his face, stroking the hair out of his face, tucking it behind his ear and revealing his perfect face, avoiding looking at his neck

Yuri leaned into the touch closing his eyes, when Otabek pressed his lips against Yuri’s again he felt like fireworks were going off. It was the most electric feeling, only made better when Yuri pressed in closer, his hand joining Otabek’s on his face

Otabek tentatively swiped his tongue against Yuri’s lip, Yuri seemed to melt into the kiss, opening his own mouth. Feeling Yuri’s tongue against his own, Otabek slipped his hand through Yuri’s hair, holding his head kissing him deeper

Yuri made no attempt to pull away, moving his hands to wrap his arms around Otabek’s neck, their kisses were verging on desperate, finally pulling away for breath, Yuri panted against his mouth

“I missed you so fucking much” Otabek wasn’t sure how things would turn out, it was still a long road ahead for both of them, but a stolen moment like this seemed like things might actually be getting better

Otabek would take it slow, he’d be there for Yuri every step of the way, just like he always had been. He wanted the whole nightmare to finally end, to finally be over, Yuri spoke up again, an actual smile spreading across his face, “Sorry I broke your favourite vinyl” 

Laughing for what felt like the first time in forever, pulling away and seeing and hearing Yuri’s face light up as he laughed loudly, his smile wide across his face, revealing his white perfect teeth, Otabek would give just about anything and everything to see him laugh like this, even sacrifice all of his favourite things


	4. Chapter 4

A year after the entire ordeal had happened, things were finally getting back to where they should be. Yuri did start seeing a counselor, he stopped seeing that girl, and he could comfortably be naked around Otabek again, they still hadn’t did anything sexual yet, not for lack of trying, but everytime Otabek got hard, Yuri wanted to throw up and stop instantly

It made Otabek feel like the worse thing in the world, they did of course stop instantly, but it still felt awful having your boyfriend react like that. Even worse that Otabek knew exactly why he did and understood how hard this must all be for him, he still wouldn’t let Otabek touch him either

Tonight though, they were determined to try and make it work. Being naked and making out they could do, so that’s exactly what they were doing now, Otabek letting his hands trail up and down Yuri’s back, he always felt so guilty whenever he got a erection

Otabek felt himself getting excited right now, their kisses were deep and just being pressed up against Yuri felt amazing. They had a high sex drive before any of this, the thought of being able to go back to that got Otabek even more riled up 

Yuri pulled away gently, “Slow down” he whispered against Otabek’s mouth, Otabek exhaled deeply, his heart was pounding

“Sorry” he whispered back, Yuri shifted a little moving a few inches back from Otabek

“Tell me we can stop at any time” Yuri kept his voice quiet, even though it was only them home for the weekend, all of Otabek’s family were back in Kazakhstan visiting other relatives

Even though they’d been over this a million times, Otabek still smiled at him softly, still stroking down his back, “We can stop at any time baby” Yuri nodded nervously, his eyes staying firmly at Otabek’s face, not daring to look down

When Otabek was soft, sometimes Yuri would tentatively stroke his fingers across his dick, Otabek felt like the worst person in the world though. He was that worked up from lack of touch, that whenever Yuri did it was a struggle not to get hard, of course Yuri understood that if he touched him there it would probably lead to that

But he also couldn’t help reacting the way he did, his face turning more pale and he wanted to run to the bathroom to throw up, Otabek would lay there half hard feeling intense guilt at himself, one for making Yuri feel that way, but also for wanting more than Yuri was clearly ready to give

Yuri swallowed before he spoke again, “Are you hard?” Otabek sighed out gently, bringing Yuri’s hand to mouth to plant soft kisses across it

“A little” he answered honestly, and continued on, “Yura, we can stop at any time, we don’t need to do anything baby”

He spoke firmly, he wanted nothing more than Yuri reassured, it would only make things 100 times worse if Yuri felt forced in any way to do anything. Otabek wouldn’t want that, Yuri had made so many steps towards getting back to how he was, he didn’t want something silly to push him back

Yuri exhaled shakily, glancing down, Otabek didn’t think he would look particularly intimidating right now, he was still mainly soft, since Yuri didn’t look away, Otabek assumed he was right

Yuri took his hand away from Otabek’s mouth, moving it slowly down Otabek’s body, it made Otabek shiver, god he fucking wanted this so fucking much, each touch made him feel hot

When Yuri’s hand trailed down his dick, Otabek wanted to moan, the simplest touch had him these days, but he of course kept his self control, even if his body was screaming to be touched

Otabek couldn’t help the sharp inhale when Yuri stroked him a little, Yuri’s eyes darted up to Otabek, he looked nervous, “Can you try distract me a little, just, fuck tell me about your day or something”

It would be fucking hard to concentrate when Yuri was doing that, he wanted to be supportive though, he wanted Yuri to feel okay no matter what, no matter how much Otabek wanted this 

Rambling on about his day got increasingly hard literally the harder he got, and he wanted to whine when Yuri pulled his hand away once he was fully hard, but he kept a straight face, even if he had started sweating, poor Yuri looked like he might throw up

“I feel dizzy” he rushed out, Otabek cleared his throat trying to get a level head

“Your okay Yura, I’m here, we can stop. You just did something huge, you should be so fucking proud of yourself baby”

Yuri looked so conflicted, he sat up, Otabek went to cover himself but Yuri held his hand, “Wait, just gimme a minute”

“What do you want me to do Yura?” Otabek asked, he didn’t know if he should cover himself, if he should hold Yuri’s hand, if he should sit up and try to hold him, he didn’t know what to do to make Yuri feel better and that made him feel terrible

“I, fuck I don’t know Beka. Touch yourself or something” Yuri sounded annoyed, as he wrapped his arms around his knees shutting his eyes, Otabek frowned

“Yura..”

“Just fucking do it, moan, speak to me, let me know it’s you” Yuri snapped, his eyes opening but looking up to the ceiling still avoiding Otabek’s lower half 

“Yura, I don’t think I can do that baby” Otabek felt more than a little uncomfortable, Yuri groaned out annoyed, turning his body around so he was facing Otabek entirely now still holding his knees tightly

“Well I can’t fucking do this Otabek, I can’t fucking do this” his voice sounded so pained, Otabek sat up rubbing his hand on Yuri’s foot gently

“It’s okay..”

Yuri shook his head, his face twisted as he tried not to cry, “It’s not okay, it’s not” Otabek grabbed his shirt covering his erection, he wanted to relax Yuri not scare him more, shuffling closer to Yuri he wrapped a arm around him, planting a kiss on his head

“Shh, shh. It is okay, it’s more than okay. Yura, it might feel like the tiniest thing right now, but 6 months ago we couldn’t even be naked together, your literally making so much progress, I’m so proud of you, take as long as you need”

Yuri sniffled as he looked up to Otabek, “You really think so Beka?” Otabek gave him a soft smile as he nodded, Yuri exhaled shakily, his voice returning to a whisper, “Just stay here” 

Otabek wasn’t sure what Yuri meant, until he felt his hand unravel from around his knee, Yuri moved closer pressing his forehead against Otabek’s

Otabek nearly whimpered when Yuri gripped him through the thin shirt, “Yura..” 

“Shh, just, just let me know it’s you, it’s only ever you” 

“It’s me baby, I’m here” Otabek leaned closer planting soft kisses across Yuri’s face, fuck even something like this felt amazing, repeating calming words again and again that it was just him, that he loved him, that they could stop

Then Yuri pulled away the shirt, his hand gripping around his dick, Otabek didn’t want to scare Yuri off, but fuck he couldn’t help the little moan that left his mouth

“Beka?” Yuri’s voice was uneasy, but it wasn’t croaky, he didn’t have tears in his eyes, and he wasn’t particularly any paler, Otabek took that as a good sign

Otabek still had his arm wrapped around Yuri, they were still face to face, but he leaned in for a quick kiss before answering, “Yeah baby? I’m right here” 

“Keep kissing me, keep talking to me okay” Otabek leaned in kissing him slowly, fuck he felt like his head was spinning, Yuri started jerking him off, Otabek pulled his mouth away but still impossibly close

“Oh fuck Yura, I love you, I love you so much. I’m, shit I’m so proud of you, no matter what okay. Whenever you need to stop, I love you baby” 

Yuri leaned in himself this time, kissing him a little desperately as his hand kept a steady pace, this was absolutely huge. Even if Yuri had to stop, Otabek couldn’t believe they’d gotten this far, it had been a long year, but taking steps like this, Otabek couldn’t be happier or prouder

Getting to the point where Otabek felt like he could cum, he broke away from the kiss, moving his hand to hold Yuri’s face gently, “Yura, fuck if you keep going baby, I’m going to cum. Is that okay?” 

Yuri nodded as he kept going, Otabek couldn’t help but moan as his free hand grabbed the bedding tightly, “Yura, Yura, oh fuck” Otabek panted, leaning in to kiss him again, fuck he was close, he felt awful for wishing that Yuri wouldn’t stop, if he needed too he could, he absolutely could and Otabek would never hold that against him, but oh fuck he so desperately didn’t want him too

Feeling his orgasm building up intensely, Otabek moaned against Yuri’s mouth, “I’m going to fucking cum baby, oh god, oh god” Otabek felt like he was loud, he felt his legs shake, feeling himself cum, Yuri pulled away from his face slightly

Otabek felt a sudden pang of worry, but Yuri’s eyes just flashed over to Otabek’s lower half finally. His hand didn’t stop moving which was a good sign, “Yura, fuck Yura, I’m here baby, I’m here” Otabek panted out, his hand reaching to touch him, just holding his leg as Yuri starred almost curiously at Otabek cumming

Yuri pulled his hand away delicately, as he smiled up to Otabek, the tiniest little barely there smile, but it was a still a fucking smile. “Are you okay?” Otabek asked softly, Yuri nodded slowly

“I did it Beka” he whispered as he still smiled

Otabek never felt prouder, it had been such a long road of recovery for them, but making steps like that they were finally getting back to where they were. Taking it day by day, Yuri finally eventually letting Otabek touch him as well

It took a lot of tries over a few months, but the feeling of finally laying there naked with Yuri again, jerking each other off as Yuri came loudly, so fucking loudly because Yuri could never be quiet, it was perfect. Even if Yuri wasn’t ready for sex, things like this it was huge, he felt like he had his boyfriend back

 

Otabek had his own stuff to deal with too, he’d killed somebody, with just cause. But he’d still killed someone and that plagued his mind to no end a lot of the time too, he’d have night terrors, he’d have panic attacks if he saw an uncomfortable scene in a movie, as would Yuri of course 

But Yuri was there for Otabek just as much as Otabek was for him, it was a really fucking crazy hard thing to overcome in their relationship, but they’d done it, together, they’d actually pulled through

They never liked moonlight drives anymore, but that was one minor thing they both could absolutely live without, to be at the place they were right now, Otabek felt like the luckiest man alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished what was meant to be a one shot, hope everyone likes it!


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